


Ramayana

by Ran666



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-23
Updated: 2020-04-23
Packaged: 2021-03-02 03:54:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23798815
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ran666/pseuds/Ran666
Summary: Sana has loved Nayeon all her life, but Nayeon seems to be only interested in guys.Where would they end up?
Relationships: Im Nayeon/Minatozaki Sana
Comments: 3
Kudos: 32





	Ramayana

She didn’t remember for how long she had been doing this, picking up Nayeon at some random guy’s house or a restaurant.  
She sat on the stairs, dust got on her perfectly neat pantsuit. She didn’t care.  
Nayeon walked out of the building in a loose white shirt, her wavy brown hair never changed over the years.  
They say it is weird to fall in love with your childhood friend.  
There has to be a moment when you suddenly looked at her differently, they say.  
For Sana, there never was.  
She didn’t remember when she fell in love with Nayeon.  
However, she did remember when she started to offer Nayeon things. It was when her parents unlocked her trust fund right after college.  
She promised her money, a house, marriage, and a family.  
Nayeon sat by her and took out a cigarette.  
“No, it can’t be you.”  
She remembered how Nayeon responded.  
She looked at Nayeon hold that slim cigarette in between her long fingers, and her lipstick reddened the butt of the white wrap.  
What if I just kiss her now? What if I take her home by force? What if I…  
Sana didn’t let her thought continue. She just watched her. She never got tired of watching Nayeon.  
She was waiting. Waiting for what, Sana herself didn’t even know. A miracle, she guessed. Waiting for Nayeon to take the offer and sleep with her, waiting for Nayeon to love her, and sometimes, simply enough, she was just waiting for Nayeon to turn around.  
She had to admit that there was something about chasing Nayeon that made her crazy.  
She never waited for her love to stop though.  
In fact, she couldn’t imagine a Sana without love for Nayeon. She had loved her so much and so long that it became part of her identity.  
Sana stopped at a red light. She turned to look at Nayeon sleeping in the backseat (Nayeon never took the front seat). Her lips were slightly parted, and her hair covered some part of her cheek. “Why can’t she just be mine?”  
It might be the moment when Sana watched Nayeon sleeping for the first time, when they were both newborns lying in the little glass boxes in the hospital. Maybe she already started to love her then, Sana thought. She parked the car in front of Nayeon’s apartment.  
Vines covered the walls of this building, making it look like a wrinkly grumpy old man. Sana tapped her fingers on the wheel while staring at those vines, feeling them taking over her lungs, her heart, and her entire body. Then Nayeon woke up.  
“Thank you for the ride.”  
“Anytime.”  
She watched Nayeon walking into the dark hallway of the building as if being swallowed a whole by it. 

It was back in high school that Nayeon lost her parents in a fire. Even their deaths are dramatic, she thought, it doesn’t make that big a difference anyway.  
They didn’t have a will. All the relatives left after seeing how little they actually had.  
Nayeon cleared the house.  
She hired a truck to throw all their stuff into goodwill.  
Sana was there when she got back.  
She stood in front of the shabby house in her white shirt and blue skirt. Her smooth blonde hair is tied up into a high bun, even the hair tie has a pink flower on it. And those clear blue eyes.  
Nayeon kinda hated her.  
Sana handed her the suitcase she had with her. “My mom thought that you might need some stuff, you know, if you are going to live by yourself.”  
Sana’s mom doesn’t give a shit about her. Nayeon knew that. If there was any thought the woman might have about her, that would be to stay away from her daughter as far as possible. But even such a thought was reasonable. Nayeon and Sana were never from the same world.  
“If it is not a suitcase full of cash, I don’t need it.”  
Sana looked at her weirdly, “Is that what you want?”  
Nayeon smirked and walked into the house without taking that suitcase.  
She didn’t know that the first thing future Sana would do after getting her trust fund is to cash all of it and present it to her in a suitcase.  
She remembered not long after that, Sana drove a silver Benz to her school every day after class. Every time she left on a boy’s motorcycle or jeep, she knew that Sana was sitting in the car, watching.  
She remembered refusing to get into Sana’s car, telling her it was too “lame”. Then the second day, Sana painted the car purple, Nayeon’s favorite color.  
She remembered hopping on a senior guy’s cycle, before kissing him right in front of Sana.  
Sana watched her doing this series of actions, like watching an absurd drama.  
It was never about the color nor the car. Nayeon lay in bed that night, thinking.  
She reached for Ramayana beside her bed. It was a book that Sana gifted her along with other rather useless stuff in the suitcase. Sana always had a way of convincing her to accept stuff or to do things. She never figured out why a Hinduism epic out of all possible books. She didn’t understand a lot of things about Sana, like why she would even like her.  
She remembered that there was a day with pouring rain and loud thunder. She was shivering under a roof.  
She witnessed Sana’s purple Benz crashing into a motorcycle. She didn’t know if it was one of her dates’ possession. She didn’t care.  
Sana stood under the roof with her. Wet strands of her blonde hair stuck on her forehead and cheeks. Her white shirt was half transparent that her black bra was showing. Sana caught her staring at it and then locked her chin. She remembered that powerful grip. She was pretty sure that it would leave red marks on her face. She hated it when any of her dates treated her this roughly. But standing under the same roof with Sana on a rainy day, she didn’t have time to care about that.  
She looked at how rage built up in Sana’s glittering calm eyes.  
Then Sana kissed her.  
It was not a good kiss, frankly. Sana mindlessly roamed her tongue inside Nayeon’s mouth, exploring every inch of it. Sana bit her lips, tearing it with teeth. They were both out of breath for a second, but before she could say anything, Sana connected their lips again.  
It was not a good kiss, but it did make Nayeon’s mind go blank. Before the reality registered with her again, their damp bodies already pressed so tightly together with Sana’s arms firmly positioned around her waist. Her hands are behind Sana’s neck to try to pull them even closer.  
She remembered the numbness of her lips after they parted. She remembered that Sana cried, hot tears streaming down her neck, almost burning her in this cold rain. She didn’t push her away that time, she couldn’t.

Sana knew how much pride Nayeon had. They used to have lunch together back in elementary school. Sana was the nice kid with pretty clothing and the most delicious bento boxes, and Nayeon was the kid with messy wavy hair and a convenience store sandwich. Nayeon was always so self-conscious about her surroundings, Sana knew. So she always picked the table around the corner and put the half for Nayeon on her side before all the other kids came in.  
On their first sleepover in middle school, which Sana finally got after bugging Nayeon for months, Sana broke into a fight with her mother in the kitchen.  
“I had no idea your friend is like that.” Her mother was not capable of saying curse words or even a word like brat, but she was very capable of hurting people. When she finally returned to her bedroom, there was no trace of Nayeon.  
Sana knew, those shameful moments that she remembered, Nayeon must have recalled every day.  
But the turn of their relationship happened in high school. Sana didn’t know how it happened. She sometimes blamed it on them attending separate schools, sometimes on the boys around Nayeon, but mostly, she blamed it on herself. What could she have done wrong that Nayeon wouldn’t even get into her car? But they were never in a normal friendship. “I just need to be a little more patient and a little more devoted.” She put this sentence down in her diary entry.  
She always carried it out faithfully, until she couldn’t anymore.  
On the day of heavy rain, she looked at Nayeon through the curtain of waterfall. Then she ran to her, not minding that she just crashed her car. Nayeon always left the top two buttons of her shirt open. Her beautiful collarbones rising and falling to the rhythm of her breath, skin so white on her neck and breast that the blue veins underneath is visible, it was so delicate. Sana feasted on this dazzling sight. Then she saw that Nayeon was staring straight at her black bra.  
She gripped Nayeon’s chin. She never knew that she could be this violent. But at that moment, she was so angry at her as if all those days that Nayeon deliberately avoided her calls that Nayeon put on shows in front of her that Nayeon chose those guys over her just accumulated to that moment. Sana breathed heavily, to repress her temper or to build up her desire, she didn’t know which. She looked at her brown eyes, her wavy hair, and her red lips. Such a clear drive arose in her. To make Nayeon hers, to own her, to declare her.  
Nothing changed after that kiss. Well, almost nothing. Sana would kiss Nayeon every now and then in a hidden corridor, at the backseat of her car, or in front of Nayeon’s house. It was not consensual every time. Nayeon tried to push Sana, but it was never strong enough to really make Sana let loose of her. Sometimes after a really passionate and rough kiss, as Sana’s kisses mostly were, Nayeon’s eyes would turn red. After she ran away, Sana pressed her palm against the wall, trying to soothe the urge of taking even more of her.  
The true outbreak was in the summer of their high school graduation. Sana watched Nayeon mingling with guys all night. She gripped the edge of a table so hard that her whole arm was trembling. She caught Nayeon looking at her, smiling. She didn’t know what the smile meant, and she didn’t have the patience to figure it out. She took Nayeon’s hand and almost dragged her upstairs. With a touch of liquor, everything was on fire. Sana’s sense had completely been burnt into ashes.  
She pressed Nayeon into the bed, pulled down the zipper of Nayeon’s dress. Nayeon screamed, trying to push her away. She sealed her lips by a kiss, a kiss so hard that Nayeon thought all the oxygen in her lungs had been drained. Then Sana felt a sharp pain at her lower lip. The taste of raw blood rushing out, transmitting between them with their saliva. She finally separated them.  
She looked at the woman underneath her. The room was dark, but she could see how her hair was beautifully spread on the sheet, and how her lips were swollen because of that heated kiss. She wanted this woman so badly that her heart started to ache. She thought about how many guys’ beds she must have been on. Then her rage rose again. She cupped Nayeon’s breast, gripping it so hard that Nayeon almost cried out for this rough play. She weakly pushed Sana’s shoulders.  
“Why can’t I have it? Don’t pretend that you are a fucking virgin. You are so cheap, guys don’t even need to pay for it.”  
Nayeon stopped struggling after hearing that. Then weak crying noise came from above Sana’s head when she was working on Nayeon’s panty. It sounded like a small kitten’s whimper, and Nayeon was trembling so bad. Sana stopped.  
She wiped Nayeon’s tears using the back of her hand. She knew how proud Nayeon is, and she knew how much those words would hurt her, but she still said it. She was angry, she was frustrated, and she was so jealous.  
“Is that really what you think of me?”  
Nayeon asked, after putting her dress on and drying her tears. Sana didn’t answer.

When Sana went to another country for college, Nayeon genuinely thought it would be the end of their relationship. There was no phone call, no message, no letters. Her life became more empty than it ever was. Sana had a family, friends, great grades, and a promising career path. She had none of these. She only had Sana.  
But then Sana was back a year later, not with a gorgeous and smart girl as Nayeon pictured. In fact, it seemed like nothing about Sana changed. Things were back to “normal” between them, back to how things were before their first kiss. Nobody spoke about that night, that fight as if it had never happened. Nayeon still juggled among several guys, and Sana was still that soft and patient person.  
After that one time when Nayeon got drunk at a bar, and Sana was notified as her emergency contact, Nayeon started to call Sana whenever she was drunk or simply too tired to drive. She could feel Sana gently trying to wake her up. Sometimes she couldn’t move, and sometimes she just wanted Sana to carry her to bed.  
Nayeon sat at the back of the car, watching Sana buying coffee for her. She was always amazed by how fantastic Sana can look even at seven in the morning. Sana had changed a lot. She had been so bubbly and a bit airheaded in the past. Her head was always filled with wonders and purest thoughts. Although she was still considerate and kind, that energy was missing. Nayeon knew it was her fault, at least partially. If Sana had a supportive and nice girlfriend, maybe things could have been different. If this was a possibility for Sana if Sana could choose to never meet her in life, would Sana choose it? Nayeon couldn’t continue this thought because she couldn’t imagine what her life would be without Sana.  
Then Sana got into the car and handed Nayeon her drink. “Only you drink strawberry Frappuccino at seven in the morning.”  
“That is so not true, and only you drink Irish coffee.”  
She looked at Sana smiling at her response. She felt her heart was so full that it didn’t need anything else or anyone else.  
Yet she still said no to all Sana’s offers and promises, including that suitcase full of cash. She remembered Sana being so frustrated and asked her if this is because of her pride. She didn’t say no.  
But she knew it was not. Sana was way more important to her than her stupid pride. She fucked up so many relationships, and she had lost enough important things in her life. She could not afford to mess up her relationship with Sana. She felt like if she lost Sana, it would take herself away as well. If she never had it, then she didn’t have to lose it.  
Of course, there were moments when she almost couldn’t resist the thought of being Sana’s lover. There were moments she wished Sana could cuddle with her until she fell asleep, she wished to kiss her, on all of her dates she wished it could be Sana. But it couldn’t be Sana.

As well as now, in this engagement party, the person Nayeon made that oath to was not Sana.  
Sana sat at the rooftop of that building, the sunset was drawing near. Nayeon quietly joined her. “So what kind of the guy is he?” Sana asked.  
“He’s alright. He works for an insurance company.” Nayeon answered, stealing a look at Sana’s side face. She loved Sana’s sad deep looks especially when Sana gazing at the sky. She seemed so mysterious and distant. Nayeon loved that part of her.  
“That’s good, I suppose.”  
“So are we good?” Nayeon asked, rather carefully. She knew the answer to the question. Of course, they couldn’t be good. She was about to marry someone else.  
“We will be.” Sana stood up, about to head down. “Do me a favor. Don’t invite me to your wedding.”  
Nayeon didn’t. But she again got too drunk at her bachelorette party, and Sana was again called.  
Sana carried her to bed, and she saw that Ramayana on the desk. The pages became a little loose, indicating how many times the owner had been through it.  
“I still have not figured out why you gave me that book.”  
Nayeon looked at her. She leaned her head against the headboard with her eyes a bit blurred.  
“What’s the point of asking now?”  
Sana answered with a question while still staring at the book.  
“Tell me, I want to know.”  
She put the book aside and sat down on Nayeon’s bed. I still love her so much, Sana thought.  
“Rama is the seventh incarnation of the god Vishnu. Vishnu was cursed that he could only be with his deeply beloved wife in one lifetime during all ten incarnations. It was in the life of Rama that he met and married his wife.”  
Nayeon gripped her hand. Nayeon’s hand was so big that she completely wrapped Sana’s hand in hers. She gazed at her, “So tell me why you gave me this book.”  
“Nayeon, I,”  
“Tell me, Sana, please tell me.”  
Sana looked back into her eyes as if to seek for confirmation of her curiosity. Nayeon’s stare only became more determined.  
“So tell me, Nayeon, if you really desire to know, if this matters so much to you, why did you refuse me all this time? Why did you decide to marry someone who work for an insurance company? Don’t you think you owe me more explanations?”  
Sana totally didn’t expect that Nayeon would suddenly cry like a kid who was being accused. She didn’t know what to do. She only wanted to tell Nayeon that she loves her, and she did. She kissed away her tears while whispering the word of love so faithfully over and over.  
“Because I don’t want to lose you.” Nayeon answered while she was still sobbing in Sana’s arms.  
“I can’t lose you, and if I don’t have you, I would never lose you.”  
Sana pulled her away from her chest, “You think you don’t have me?”  
“Even after what I said about Ramayana, you still think that you don’t have me?”  
Sana asked her. Nayeon blushed and did not dare to look at Sana in the eyes.  
“How could you be so selfish, Nayeon? Watching me suffering just because of your cowardly fear that you might lose it, just because you don’t want to take up the risk of a relationship while wanting the benefit of it. How could you?”  
Nayeon started crying again. Sana knew that drunken Nayeon always behaved like a child, but she still couldn’t get used to so many tears in one night.  
“I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. Don’t be mad. Pretty please?”  
Nayeon looked at her while pouting, but Sana still pursed her lips.  
“Do you still love me? I know I’m so selfish. I hurt you so much. I know. You don’t have to love me anymore. Nayeon will be sad, but,”  
“Did you ever listen to me?” Sana interrupted, “I just said that I found my one true love in ten lifetimes. How could I not love you?”  
Nayeon then behaved like a kid who just got a large treat of sweets.  
Sana smiled widely and kissed her.  
“I miss kissing you so much.”  
Nayeon drew her close, “me, too”  
“Look, about the thing I said that summer. I didn’t mean it. I don’t think you are cheap. I was emotionally overwhelmed at that time. I’m really sorry.”  
Nayeon rested her forehead against Sana’s, “It was so many years ago, dummy. Now just kiss me.”  
“Oh, now you talk like an adult.” Sana smirked.  
“Shut up and kiss me.” Nayeon slapped her shoulder and pulled Sana’s body on top of hers. 

“You know I never felt very threatened by all the guys you dated until your engagement party. I was so sure that you are going to be with me because that was in our destiny. We were born on the same day, we were put next to each other in the hospital, and I feel like I started loving you even before I found out what love is. Then suddenly you are marrying someone else. You have no idea how afraid I was. I thought maybe it was never our destiny, maybe it was only my destiny to love you, but never to have you,”  
Sana wanted to continue, but she looked at Nayeon who seemed to be already sound asleep. She kissed her forehead, making their bare bodies touch. She was so satisfied with this sensation.  
“Good night, Nayeon. I love you.”  
“I love you, too. And you are my destiny, Sana.”  
“You are not,”  
“Shh” Nayeon put a finger against Sana’s lips, “now I am.”  
Sana smiled and tightly hugged her.  
Miracles do happen. She thought.  
Nayeon watched Sana sleeping, what could be more dreadful than losing this girl? She thought, that is if she had to spend her life with somebody else, if she never even tasted happiness with Sana.

“Why are you up so early?” Sana rubbed her eyes and checked the phone.  
“It’s only seven.”  
“I need to get to the wedding.”  
“What?” Sana sat up in bed, totally shocked and horrified.  
Nayeon grinned mischievously, “You are so cute.” She walked back to bed and kissed her lover.  
“I just called to cancel the wedding.”  
“You are a naughty kid. I need to punish you.”  
Nayeon looked at her alluringly, “Oh, how do you want to punish me?”  
Sana swallowed the excessive saliva secreted. “I was about to say that you can’t eat chocolate for three days, but, umm, I wouldn’t oppose your suggestion.”  
“I didn’t suggest anything. You are so dirty, Sana.”  
Sana was kissing her waist. So after hearing this she deliberately tickled her with her tongue. Nayeon laughed so hard. “I love you, Sana.”  
Sana got up after stripping her underwear, “I love you, too.”


End file.
